


Girl Like Her

by Promarvelfangirl (ProMarvelFanGirl)



Series: Girl Like Her [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Multichapter, Reader-Insert, plus size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11455011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProMarvelFanGirl/pseuds/Promarvelfangirl
Summary: Girls like you weren’t meant to be with a guy like Bucky.  He deserves someone prettier, someone skinnier, someone better.  Not a girl like her.Warnings: topics of body size and weight issues. I tried to keep it as vague as possible so not to trigger. implied/mentions of sex.





	1. Chapter 1

“Wake up dumbass, you’re late for your run with Steve.” You fuss pushing Bucky on his bare shoulder, and grabbing your shoes from under the bed in his room.   He was lying face down on the bed, the sheets covering his naked bottom half.  You push him again and huff making your way into the living room.  You go to the kitchen and shove some scrambled eggs on a plate and grab one of the waiting pieces of toast in the toaster.   You grab a cup of coffee and place it at the head of the table.

Bucky eventually makes his way to the dining room and sits in the chair.  Immediately he begins digging into the food.  You, meanwhile, were rushing around getting everything ready for your day at work.  While you rushed past Bucky he grabbed your wrist with his human arm. 

“Don’t I get a kiss before you leave?”  He pouts not releasing you even as you try and pull away from him.  

“I am going to be late.” you huff, but you kiss his cheek anyway and he releases you sending you on your way. 

You and Bucky had met at Avengers Tower. You were, and are the “Pepper Potts” for the Avengers, you handled their schedules and made sure everything was taken care of while they were on missions.   When you first met Bucky he had just regained his memory and some of his past swagger.   Bucky would come down to your office for various reasons, mostly it was to flirt with your secretary.  

Once he had succeeded in making her blush, he would turn his attention to you.  You were his greatest challenge.  You never blushed or gave him a smile.  He would flirt, you would scoff.  That is what made him want to get to know you, which led to you being friends, which, unknown to you, led to Bucky having feelings for you. 

You and Bucky weren’t married, engaged or even dating.  You were best friends, roommates, and friends with benefits.  You had feelings for him but assumed he flirted with you cause that just how he was.  You also figured it was convenient that you were around he didn’t have to go out and find a girl every night.   

You were a bigger girl, you didn’t have a flat stomach.  You had curves in the right places and the wrong ones.   You tried to be confident, but you choose to be a realist.  You knew you would never get a guy that looked like Bucky.  It just wasn’t the norm, not for girls like you. 

When it came to sex with Bucky you had strict rules, no lights on, he was always on top and you wore a shirt.  He never understood why you had these rules, but he never complained.  Even with these rules, you enjoyed all the benefits of your agreement with Bucky.  It just would never leave your shared apartment. 

If Bucky had his way you would be his girl. He would take you out and show you off. Everytime he tried to confess his feelings to you, he would chicken out and you would walk away thinking he wanted to quit everything.  He failed to realize that you felt like you weren’t good enough for him.  So he took what he could get.  

You had your arrangement and Bucky would take whatever you would give him.  Even with your rules, he thought the sex was amazing.   He loved you and he wasn’t going to let you go without a fight. 

* * *

While typing away at your computer in your office, Tara, one of your employee’s came in and sat in the seat in front of your desk.   Patiently waiting for you to finish she picks up a picture you have on your desk of you and Bucky, inspecting it closer.   

Bucky had his arms wrapped around you and he is looking at the camera.  You on the other hand, were looking at him with admiration.  That was taken when you had hope, truth be told, you still had a bit of hope that one day things with him would be more than just a relationship of convenience.

As you finished your typing you raised your eyes to look at Tara. She was still inspecting the picture.   You chose to inspect her while she is looking at the framed photo.  She was tall, blonde, perfect figure, perfect clothes, perfect make up.  

She was who Bucky deserved and who he should be sleeping with at night, not you.  You knew you had to take advantage of the agreement while you could, you knew you would lose him some day to a “Tara”. 

“You know nothing is going to change with you and Bucky if you don’t change.”  Tara says breaking into your thoughts.   You shot her a confused look. 

“It’s obvious you have feelings for him.  You need to be more confident, show you are making an effort on yourself, lose a little weight. Things will change like that.” She snaps her fingers.

You scoff, grabbing the picture out of her hands and placing it back on your desk. “We are just friends. What did you want?”

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to go to lunch with us.” Tara replies raising her hands in surrender.  She gets up walking to the door. Turning at the frame to get your answer.

“Nope, thanks though.  I have a lot of work to get done here.” You shoot her a small smile and she leaves shutting the door behind her. 

After Tara left, you looked at the picture of you two.  Bucky looked amazing, sharp jaw filled with stubble, a slight grin on his face, hair pulled back into a bun.  You had a double chin, and what looked like the makings of a zit on your chin.  You took the picture and placed it face down on your desk unable to look at it any longer. 

You pack up your things deciding to work from home today.   You knew Bucky would be prepping for his next mission with Steve and Sam so the house would be empty.   You shut your door not bothering to lock it and head home.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bucky staring at the file in front of him, was bored.   He wondered what you were doing five floors below him.   Sensing his lack of attention, Sam kicks Bucky’s chair, making his head shoot up and sending a glare Sam’s way.  “Can you please get your head off your girl and on the mission?  I don’t want to get shot cause you didn’t pay attention.”  Sam says with a smirk.

“She isn’t my girl, yet.”  Bucky says kicking Sam’s chair in retaliation.  Steve had quit talking at this point and was watching the exchange with interest. 

“So when are you going to make that happen.”  Steve said putting his papers in a neat pile. “You and Y/n’s “arrangement” has been going on for almost a year now.”

“It’s up to her, if I had my way we would be together now.  Everytime I try to talk to her about it she shuts down.”  Bucky sighs rubbing his face with his left hand, letting the cold of the metal soothe his now throbbing head. “I am gonna talk to her again.”

“You would be good together, as much as I hate to admit that.” Sam conceded while Steve nodded his head in agreement. 

“Are we done here?”  Bucky questioned standing up and heading toward the door not waiting for Steve’s response.  He walked out of the room and straight to the elevator.   He pushed the number to your office floor, he was gonna take you to lunch and tell you his feelings.  This time he wouldn’t play coy.  It was going to put it all out there. 

He reached your office seeing that the light was off, he tried the handle knowing most of the time you left your office unlocked.   Peeking inside making sure you were really gone, he noticed the picture of the both of you knocked over.  He stood it back up smiling at the memory.  Leaving your office he passed your secretaries desk glancing at a note placed on the keyboard,  _Working from home, see you tomorrow. -Y/n._

He smiled, this was perfect! He would surprise you with flowers and your favorite meal. He would tell you he loved you and wanted something more. The two of you would be together and everything would be perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

You had locked yourself in your room with your laptop and were sitting criss cross on your bed typing up a few expense reports from the last mission.  You heard the front door open and close and knew that Bucky was home.  You figured you wouldn’t be bothered because you should have been still at work.  You started when you heard a bang at your bedroom door, and an “ow.”

You huffed, getting up you walked to your door unlocking it and opening it just a crack.  “Can I help you?”  

Bucky looked at you with a frown, “Why is your door locked?  You never lock the door. Open up I have something to show you.”  

You roll your eyes, “I can’t I am busy.  And I locked my door because I am working.” 

You feel Bucky pushing on the door trying to make it open more. You in response, push all your weight on the door, doing little to prevent him from pushing in. 

“Really? You thought your strength would be able to keep me out?”  He huffed out a laugh, his eyes watching you make your way to your bed again.   You scoff and begin typing on your laptop once more. 

“Well I do have the weight advantage.”  You half smile and grimace. “What did you need?”

Another frown finds his face and he makes his way to your bed where he flopped down resting his back against the headboard.  He nudges you with his leg, trying to get your attention.

“Bucky please I am really busy.”  You say making a point not to look at him.  You didn’t want him to see that something was bothering you.  You felt the bed spring up from the lack of weight.  Bucky made his way to stand in front of you at the edge of the bed. 

“What’s up with you today?” He asks concerned.  You internally cursed knowing he would see right through you. 

You finally look up at him, before saying slowly, “I think we should end…this. Whatever this is.   I need to work on myself and it isn’t fair to you that you can’t get someone you deserve.  I am in the way and I want you to be happy.”

He looked at you in shock. This wasn’t how this was suppose to go. He looks down, thinking what to say to change your mind.  When he looks up at you again, your head is down and he sees a tear drop fall from your cheek to your lap.

“Y/n - ,” he begins reaching out to grab your hand.  You finally look up at him with a bright smile.  You had mastered that wide smile, it was the mask you wore most days. 

“Bucky I am okay, I am really busy can you shut the door when you leave?”  You dismiss him, and go back to typing on your laptop.  His shoulders slump and he walks out your room softly shutting the door behind him.  He pulls out his phone and send a text to Steve.

_-She wants to end it. Everything.-_

Hearing his phone ding, he noted Steve’s reply,  _-I’m on my way-_.   Bucky went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.   How did this all happen.  He was in complete disbelief, disbelief that you had ended it and disbelief that he had let you end it without a fight.

* * *

Once Bucky had shut your door, you closed your computer and pushed yourself off the bed to lock the door.   You went into the bathroom and turned on your shower and stripped down and got in.  

You didn’t need a shower you just knew he wouldn’t be able to hear your sobs over the spray of the water.  You just managed to ruin everything, and he didn’t even try to stop you, you were right, the last bit of hope you had disappeared. 

Bucky sat staring at his hands, finally Steve arrived not bothering to knock letting himself in, taking in Bucky’s appearance he knew this was bad.   He walked over to Bucky sitting beside him.  “What did she say?”  

Bucky rubbed his face and leaned back on the couch letting his head fall back.  “She said she wanted to end it, she wants to work on her, and she wants me to date someone else, someone I ‘deserve’.”

Steve listened intently, he knew you almost as well as he knew Bucky.   This was not what you wanted.  He knew your feelings were just as strong for Bucky as Bucky’s were for you.  You weren’t the type to have meaningless sex, he knew Bucky meant something to you. 

“Sounds like she doesn’t think she is good enough for you.” Steve says with a shrug.  “If that is the case you need to change her mind about that, cause she is.”

“I wouldn’t have let this go on for so long if I didn’t have feelings for her.  She is good enough. Who would tell her she isn’t?”  Bucky huffs getting frustrated.  Steve shrugged and gave Bucky’s shoulder a pat.   

After Steve left Bucky finally got up from his spot on the couch and walked to your door.  He could have swore he heard a sniffle.  He knocked on your door hoping you would come to the door and talk to him, tell him you were joking.  After you didn’t answer he tried the door knob, only to find it was still locked. Bucky went to his room knowing that he was going to prove to you his feelings were not going to go away and he wasn’t going to let you go that easy. 

* * *

After your shower, you felt a little better.  You heard voices out in the living room you knew Bucky would call Steve. It was obvious he was upset things were changing.  You just knew he would be making plans with Steve to go out to meet someone else to fill his bed.  This was for the better though.  You wouldn’t go through as much hurt when he ended things when he inevitably met a “Tara”, this was better stopping it now.   

You couldn’t help the tears that resurfaced when you realized that if you looked like a “Tara” that this would be a completely different situation.  You wouldn’t have had to end anything, you could have just told him about your feelings.  You got up to look at yourself in the mirror.  

You scoffed at your red, tear-stained face.  If only you looked different.  Not able to look even yourself in the eye, you decided tomorrow all this was going to change. You would become a “Tara” and hope you weren’t too late to win Bucky back.   Now you just had to figure out how to sleep without Bucky beside you.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Bucky woke up and stared at the ceiling.  He had barely slept, he tossed and turned the whole night without you by his side.  He even got up a couple of times to see if you had opened your door, but it was pointless.  He was determined to tell you his feelings today no matter what.  He stretched and pulled himself out of bed walking straight to your room.  He was relieved to see that your door was open.

“Y/n I love you!” he all but shouted as he walked in the room with a giant smile on his face.  The smile dropped when he realized your room was empty and you were long gone.  Had his super soldier hearing let him down?  How did he not hear you leave?  Maybe he was getting old, maybe it was the lack of sleep.  Nevertheless he looked around for some indication of where you had gone.  Finding no clues he decided to get dressed and head to Avengers Tower to get some training in. 

You had been up since 4:30.  You had been working out at the gym in Avengers Tower for a few hours now.  You were on the elliptical going as long as you could.  You usually stuck to 30 minutes of cardio and an hour of yoga, but today you were determined to change.   You hadn’t stopped since you had arrived at the gym.  You heard a door slam around 6 and knew you were busted.  Steve, you forgot the man was a machine and was always up early.  You shot him a slight smile before getting off your machine with shaky legs. 

“Hi Y/n!  What brings you here so early?” Steve questions looking around for something. You realize after a moment he is looking for Bucky.   You were always in here with him.  You really needed to get some separation from him.

“Bucky isn’t here if that is who you are looking for.  I really need to go Steve, I will see you later.”  You walk as quickly as your sore legs would allow you out of the gym.  You didn’t even wait for Steve’s reply.  If he was here, Bucky would be sure to be behind him shortly.  You made your way to one of the spare rooms you stayed in when you stayed at the tower, and went to shower and get ready for the day.

* * *

Steve was in the middle of his second punching bag, when Bucky made his way into the gym.  Putting his gym bag down he walked over to Steve, leaning his body against the wall.   Steve finished up with his last few punches before unwrapping his hands.  

“You look like shit.” He said to his best friend, before gulping down some water.  “I take it you didn’t sleep well?”

Bucky scoffed, “Y/n was gone before I woke up.  No note, nothin’, she doesn’t usually do that.  She won’t talk to me and I don’t know where she is to even try to fix anything. So, no, I didn’t sleep well.”

Steve let Bucky finish his ranting before he spoke. “Y/n was here, about an hour ago.  She was working out.  She left as soon as she saw me come in.  And before you ask no she didn’t tell me what is going on.”

Bucky let out a huff turning to leave the gym to find where you had gone, “You could have told me she was here sooner!”

* * *

Bucky searched high and low for you most of the morning before giving up and heading to some of his meetings.   After a meeting on the mission he was leaving on that afternoon he made his way to your office.  Normally you would just now be stepping out to go get lunch.  When he got to your office, your door was shut and your secretary Sarah and your co worker Tara were making their way out, coats and purses draped on their arms.  

“Is y/n in there?” Bucky asked Sarah.  Sarah looked uncomfortable not sure what to tell the clearly upset man in front of her.  Brushing past her Bucky tries the door only to find it locked. 

“She is in there, but doesn’t want to be disturbed.  She said she is working through lunch.”  Sarah said slowly making sure she didn’t say anything she wasn’t suppose to.  Bucky knocked on the door, but received no response. 

“You know she skipped lunch yesterday too.  If she is trying to lose weight she should diet.  Not eating isn’t healthy.”  Tara said concerned, before turning to head off to her own lunch with Sarah trailing behind her.

Bucky watched the two leave before looking once more at your wooden door.  He knew he could easily break the door down with his metal appendage but knew you wouldn’t be happy with him.  He didn’t want to make things worse so all he did was knock again.  

You sat inside your office with tears occasionally making their way down your face.  You heard everything that was said.  Tara was right a diet would work.  You tried to pull your focus back to your work.   You assumed that the three had left and jumped when you heard Bucky knock at your door for the second time.

“I am busy I can’t be bothered right now.” you finally call trying to keep your voice even.

“Please doll, please just talk to me.”  Bucky said sounding heartbroken.  You didn’t trust your voice to speak, you knew if you did he would hear you break down. “I am leaving on my mission in an hour.  Please talk to me.  I don’t want to leave without us working this out.”

You grabbed a sheet of paper and pen from the desk, and scribbled you message down quickly,  before sending the paper under the door.  You knew this was childish, but you couldn’t help it.  You didn’t want him to not leave, it was his job to protect the world and you wouldn’t be the reason other people got hurt.

_Bucky,_

_I will be fine just need to work on some stuff. There is nothing to work out.  We can talk when you get back.  Please don’t hate me or worry.  I will be okay._

_-Y/n_

Bucky hearing the crumpling of the paper on his foot as it was shoved under the door, bent down quickly to pick it up.   He read your message with a disheartened expression before quickly writing a reply.

_Angel,_

_I can’t leave on this mission thinking you hate me please don’t hate me.  I have so much I need to say to you,  just don’t give up on me.  Whatever I did I will make right when I get back.  Wait for me before getting with anyone else - please._

_Yours,_

_Bucky_

You waited hoping to see that paper come back under the door, when it finally did you snatched it up quickly, reading his reply. Don’t get with anyone?  Fat chance of that happening.  You looked at your watch knowing he would be leaving soon.  Quickly writing a reply you pushed it under the door and went back to your desk determined to get some work done. 

_Bucky,_

_You need to get going, Steve will be upset if you are late.  You don’t have to worry about anyone else, no one thinks that much of me.  Be safe on your mission come back in one piece._

_I’ll miss you,_

_Y/n_

Bucky looked at your reply, before ripping the letter so that he had your last message to him singled out, folding it he put it in his pocket.  He took the last bit of unused paper scribbled something and folded it, shoving it under the door.  He looked at the clock on Sarah’s desk and groaned before making his way to Steve where he would be leaving on his two week long mission.

You watched the quinjet fly off from the top of the tower from your office window.  Sighing when it finally left your sight you typed up the last bit of an email and sent it to Sarah. 

_Sarah,_

_Taking a much needed vacation.  I know what you are thinking, finally!  I will be gone for two weeks.  I will be back soon, everything’s taken care of.  If you need me just send me an email._

_\- Y/n_

Packing your things you walked out of your office before picking up the scrap of paper off the floor that held your and Bucky’s messages.  Pushing the crumpled paper into your pocket, you left your office and headed towards the entrance to the tower.  Not noticing there was one last message from Bucky.

_I love you. -Bucky  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later you literally had done nothing except workout and diet.  You had lost 10 pounds but had many more to go.  You put up pictures of girls from fashion magazines on your fridge, you worked out as much as you could.  You couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky no matter how hard you tried, so you decided that you would continue working as much as you could from home.  Sarah was disappointed when she realized that you hadn’t actually slowed down to take a break.  

You woke up two days before the boys were due home from their mission ready to head to the gym.  You grabbed your water bottle and made your way to the tower.  After putting away everything, you hopped on the elliptical to get started.  

You work on it for about 30 minutes before jumping on a treadmill.  Another 30 minutes later you were on the exercise bike.   Your focus was broken when Natasha stepped into the gym.  You smiled slightly at her, your face and body covered in sweat and your chest heaving from lack of breath.  

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good.  How long have you been down here?”  She asks concerned.   As she makes her way towards you, you get off the machine, you feel dizzy and collapse.  The last thing you hear before you pass out is Natasha’s yell of “HELP!”

You wake up hours later with a IV in your arm and look around.  You were in your room at the Tower, you were alone but there was machines beeping from your side.  You remember passing out in the gym but that was all.  Trying to remember how you got in the room, Dr. Cho walked in breaking your thoughts. 

“Glad to see you’re awake.” She smiled at you, before you could speak she held up a hand. “You passed out from exhaustion.  You were overdoing it at the gym and were dehydrated.  When was the last time you ate an actual meal?”

You bite your lip and look down, “I had a salad for dinner yesterday.”  

Dr. Cho lets out a tsk, “Well you need to eat real food, I will have someone bring you a sandwich.  Nat is outside, I will send her in.  You also are gonna stay overnight.  I want to check a few more things.”

On her way out, Nat walked in.  She had a grumpy look and you knew you were in for it. “How could you be so stupid?!  Is this over Bucky?  You know if he were here he would be freaking out.”

“Nat please, stop I have a headache. I need to lose weight then everything will be perfect.  This was a lapse in judgement I promise I have been eating.”  You say wishing she would leave so you could get some rest.

“You haven’t been sleeping either I can tell.  I knew this was about Bucky. You do realize that even if you lose all the weight you want, it won’t make you happy.  Bucky is a good guy but if he can only see you for what you weigh you deserve someone better than him.  I am going to get you a sandwich.  Don’t move.”  Nat demands walking out of the room. 

You look up at the ceiling taking in everything Nat had said.  She was right.  You also knew guys, and even Bucky and Steve deep down cared about looks even if they never mentioned it.  You grabbed your phone off of the end table where it had been placed and looked at the time.  The boys wouldn’t be back from their mission for two more days yet.  You laid back down and tried to get some rest.

* * *

After about an hour, the opening of the door woke you.  You looked up to see Tony holding a tray full of food and some flowers. “You feeling okay?  I was told by Nat that you were up and hungry.”

“Nat is a liar.  I never said I was hungry.  She told me I had to eat.”  You shake your head picking up a strawberry off the plate.

“You know you could have talked to us if there was something going on.  You work with us but you’re our family too.  You could have really injured yourself.”  Tony says pulling a chair up to the bed. 

“Tony stop I didn’t almost die, I passed out.  I appreciate the concern.  I don’t like myself.  I don’t like how I look I need to change. This is the only way to do it, diet and exercise.  I promise I won’t over do it again.”  You say in a soft voice, you didn’t want anyone thinking you were going to hurt yourself in any way.

“Well Frosty isn’t worth hurting yourself over, just so you know.”  Tony smiles slightly, he pats your shoulder and leaves the room.  You eat half of the food on the plate and let yourself finally get some much needed rest.

* * *

Bucky, Sam, and Steve were on the jet headed home.  They were in high spirits, no one had got hurt, everyone was saved, and the bad guys were taken care of.  They were so excited to get home early.   

Steve looked over at Bucky, letting out a laugh he nudged Sam with his elbow gesturing at Bucky.  Sam let out a snicker watching Bucky, every few seconds or so Bucky would look at his watch.

“Important date you need to get back to Barnes?”  Sam said with a laugh.   Bucky shot his middle finger up at Sam.  

“She hasn’t even texted or called.  She always texts or calls.”  Bucky said crossing his arms, “What if something happened?”

“Buck nothing happened.  If something had Nat would have called. You know that.  Y/n is probably on your couch eating some ice cream waiting on you to get home so she can tell you about everything that happened while you were gone.”  Steve rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

* * *

When the jet landed at the tower Nat was there to greet them.   Bucky sprinted his way off the jet and ran straight past Natasha heading for home.  Natasha’s voice stop him in his tracks,  “She isn’t there.”  

Sam and Steve gave each other worried glances, Bucky turned quickly toward Nat, “What happened?  Where is she?”

Nat took a deep breath, “She’s fine, you can’t see her yet though.  Dr. Cho didn’t want her to get stressed.  She was in the gym and she passed out from exhaustion and dehydration.  She is fine.  She just needs some rest.”

Bucky’s face went from fear to relief to sadness.  Why had you over done it?  What happened while he was gone?  Steve moved to step beside Bucky and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “When did all this happen?”

“It happened this morning.”  Nat said, “Bucky if you could can you run to your place and grab some things for her?  She needs to stay here for a day or so and she will need clothes and her personal stuff.”

* * *

All Bucky could do was nod his head.   He left immediately for your apartment.   When he arrived he looked around, everything seemed the same.  He headed into your room grabbing a duffel bag and filling it with some clothes. 

 Picking up your jacket off the floor to place it on your bed, a crumpled piece of paper fell on to the floor.  Opening the paper he saw his note declaring his love for you.  It obviously had went unseen, this made his determination to tell you even stronger.  

He made his way to the kitchen to grab a drink for the trip back to the tower.  He went to the fridge and stopped when he saw the pictures of the women on the door.  There were little comments written on them in your writing. 

You don’t need that ice cream.

Do you really want to be fat forever.

He won’t love you if stay like you are now.

GO TO THE GYM!

Bucky couldn’t believe his eyes, is this what you thought of yourself?  Connecting the dots from your recent discussions and behavior, he scolded himself.  How could he let things get so intimate with you, without telling you how much he adored you and your body. 

 Actions weren’t enough, he need to tell you!  He ripped all of the pictures down throwing them away.  He didn’t care who tried to stop him.  He was telling you today.

 


	5. Chapter 5

You were sitting up in your bed watching some tv when Steve poked his head in the door.   He gave you a bright smile and opened the door wider.  You looked up in shock not expecting it to be him.  “What are you doing here?  You’re not suppose to be back for another day!”  

“We got finished early.  Sam is upstairs showering and Bucky went to grab you some stuff from your place. How are you feeling?”  Steve questioned giving you a concerned look. 

“I am fine, just overdid it.  Don’t worry about me.” You smile at Steve, you go to get up and he puts his arm on your shoulder to stop you. 

“Are you allowed to be getting up?” Steve gives you a look of knowing.  You scoff and allow him to gently push you back down.

“Bucky will be here in a few and you both can work out what you need to work out.  He has missed you a lot.”  Steve said trying not to give away anything that Bucky would want to tell you himself. 

“I missed him to, but Steve I am not the kind of girl he need to concern himself with.” Steve opened his mouth to contradict you, but you held your hand up to stop him. “It’s true, do you really think I haven’t been through something like this before?  The novelty of being with a fat girl will wear off, He will find someone who is 100 pounds lighter and I will be left, alone, again to pick up the pieces.  This is easier.”

Steve sat frozen staring at you as if it was his first time really seeing you. You held his gaze with a passive face.  Steve looked down and took a deep breath before turning to walk out of the door to your room shutting the door quietly. 

You didn’t let the tears fall till you knew the door was shut.   You had to get out of here before Bucky got back.  You knew Steve would tell him everything you said and you didn’t want to face him yet.  You knew you were being a coward but you couldn’t help it. 

You got out of the bed and grabbed your purse, all you had to do was make it to the elevators and you would be good.   Cracking the door open, you peer into the hall not seeing anyone, you made your way down the hall.  

You reached the end of the hall hearing Sam and Steve talking to each other in hurried hushed voices.  “So she is really serious about all this? I never thought she thought that poorly of herself.”

You hold back more tears before turning down the corner and heading to the elevators.  You press the button and pray the doors open before you are seen.   Somehow you manage to get in the elevator and down to the garage and into you car, before being finally seen by Clint who was exiting the elevator as you were pulling out of the garage.

“Y/N?!”  Clint yelled after you, but it was too late you were gone.   Clint ran into the tower screaming for Steve and Nat.   Taking the stairs to the living room, he met Nat and Steve there.

“What is wrong with you?” Nat asked, Steve stood behind her looking concerned.  

“She’s gone.  She left.” Clint huffed out leaning over and putting his hands on his knees as he tries to catch his breath.   Natasha and Steve looked at him curiously. 

“Who left Clint?” Steve asks.  Natasha didn’t need to ask she already knew.   Natasha turned and took off toward your room.   

“Y/n, she left she got in the car and took off.  I don’t know where she went.  This isn’t like her.”  Clint says finally getting his breath back to normal. 

“She’s running from herself.  She just doesn’t realize it yet.”  Steve says with a serious look pulling out his phone. 

_She left the tower. She is running, stay at the house she may be heading your way._

“I texted Bucky, hopefully she is headed to the house and he can talk to her and get this all worked out.  I am worried about her, she isn’t normally like this.  Did someone say something to her?”  Steve said to Clint as Nat walked back in the room. 

“If someone said something to her I will kill them.” Natasha says with a serious expression.  “I will figure that out tomorrow. Let’s just wait till we hear from her or Bucky.”

* * *

Bucky read his phone for what felt like the thousandth time.  She was gonna come, he wouldn’t let her leave and this would get fixed.  He kept repeating this to himself over and over. 

He walked into your room and sat on the bed.   Looking around he took in the items around the room.   He smelled your heavenly scent on the blanket on your bed, it felt like home.  He got up and walked over to your right wall and looked at all the pictures.  There were pictures of your family, the avengers and singles of your friends.  There was one common theme, you weren’t in any of the photos.   

He turns to leave your room and sees on your vanity, a bottle of diet pills.   Connecting the dots once again he knew that he need to change your mind not only about his feelings for you, but your feelings about yourself. 

He then turned and made his way into his room, even though it was his room there were signs of you everywhere he turned.  The shoes you had kicked off before jumping into bed.   Your book you had been reading when you laid lazily in Bucky’s arms after exhausting yourselves earlier in the evening.

Bucky flopped down face first on his bed pulling his phone out of his pocket and once again looking at the text from Steve.  He just hoped you would be coming back home soon.

* * *

Your first stop was to go get coffee and drive out to a park.  You couldn’t go straight back to your and Bucky’s apartment, because Bucky may have been there and that would be the first place the others would have went to look.  After spending an hour ignoring your phone and sitting on a bench you decided you would chance going to your apartment. 

You walked up the stairs and unlocked your door, walking in and putting your bag down.  Making your way to the kitchen to grab a drink, you immediately notice your pictures are gone.  You turn and head to your room, you were set on packing a bag and disappearing for a while.   You walked into your room and straight into your closet grabbing your suitcase.   Tossing it on the bed you turned to your dresser to grab the essentials.  

Bucky had heard you enter the apartment.   He waited until he knew you were deep in the apartment and he would be able to have a conversation with you without giving you an exit.  He walked towards your door and stood in the the doorway. 

When you turned toward your closet you saw him.  You cursed your luck, looking down trying to hide your fear.  You were trapped and this time you couldn’t run or escape.  It was time to face reality.


	6. Chapter 6

You huffed looking anywhere but at him.   You turned away from him wrapping your arms around yourself.   You didn’t know where to begin.  

Bucky slowly walked toward you, he gently put his hands on your shoulders.  Turning you around he wrapped his arms around you and held you to him.  

“I was so worried about you. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t text or call me.  Please talk to me.  Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”  He rubs your back softly. 

You try to pull away and he wouldn’t let you. “Why do you always do this.  Why do you always break me down.  Why can’t you just let me go.” 

He could hear that you were crying but he couldn’t let you out of his arms yet. He knew it was selfish but he couldn’t let you go.  He needed you in his arms. He walked backwards toward your bed and gently pushed you so you sat on the bed.  Sitting next to you, he kept his arm around you.  

“I just need an explanation, and I want to say some things to you.  After that you can leave, I hope you don’t but please just, you owe me, you owe me an explanation please.” Bucky said trying to meet your eye.  

You finally looked up and met his gaze.  He took in your thinner face, the dark circles you tried to hide with makeup under your eyes, and the tear streaks down your cheeks. Wiping the remaining tears off your cheeks he sat patiently waiting for you to begin. 

“I - I don’t know where to start.”  You say honestly. Looking at your joined hands your heart ached.  You hadn’t realized how much you had miss the simplest touch from him.  

“You look different.”  He states simply  “You don’t look like you.”

“I know that.  I’m trying to look like a girl you deserve.  I still need to do more.  You don’t deserve to be stuck with a girl like me.  You deserve a girl who people expect you to be with.”  Bucky scoffs and begins to speak.  You stopped him with a raised hand. “Please let me get this out.  It’s like I told Steve,  I have been here before.  Eventually the novelty of being with a girl like me, a fat girl, will wear off.”

“Your feelings will change and mine will not.  I will get hurt and will be stuck disliking myself even more than I already do.  Maybe we can we try this again once I look like someone you deserve.”  You were sobbing at this point you knew you were rambling and not making sense.

Bucky sat in silence, thinking exactly what he would say.  He knew that this was his one chance. You took his silence to mean that you were right. “I know and you know I am right. Just let me leave please.” 

He took a deep breath and grabbed both of your hands in his. “You’re right I don’t deserve a girl like you.   Not the one who I was having amazing sex with months ago, nor the one that is sitting in front of me right now.  You’re too good for me.   I just want you.  I don’t care what you look like.   You are the most amazing girl I have ever met,  I love you.   I loved you before and I will continue to love you.”

“Stop doing this.  Stop looking at those stupid magazines, stop taking those stupid pills” He pointed to the pills on your vanity, you looked down the tears falling freely but silently. 

He placed his human hand on your face drawing it up to his and kissed you gently. “I (kiss) love (kiss) you (kiss).”

You couldn’t help the slight, shy, smile that started on your face. “I was trying to look like Tara.”

Bucky looked at you in confusion. “Why the hell would you want to look like anyone but you?”

“Because she is thin and beautiful.”  You say looking in his blue eyes and finally letting your guard down. 

“No she’s not!  She wears too much makeup, I bet I could wipe her face with my fingers and wipe it on the wall.  Besides she looks like one of those dogs you like with the pointy ears.”  He says with a scoff, he leans down and kisses you again. This time you kissed him back, he never thought he would be so happy and so fulfilled with a simple kiss. 

You let out a laugh realizing what he had said about Tara. “You mean a french bulldog?”

“Yes, she has buggy eyes and squishy face.”  He grins so happy to see you smile,  wrapping his arm around you and guiding you to lay down on the bed, he kisses your nose again. 

“Bucky don’t be mean.” you admonish.  You curl onto your side and face Bucky who is laying on his back. 

“It’s not mean if it’s true”  He turns to look at you with a mischievous grin. “You’re beautiful.”

“Bucky, I-”  You begin before Bucky cuts you off with a kiss. 

“You are beautiful.  I love you.  I will never let a single day go by without telling you that.  I know it isn’t going to be easy. But it isn’t going to be easy for you either. I hate me sometimes to.  We just need to be there for each other.”  Bucky looks you in the eyes. 

“I- I think, I think we can do this.  But the minute, and I mean the minute you don’t love me anymore please tell me.” You look down and bite your lip.  You knew you had a lot of baggage. “I know I am a lot to handle.”

“Do you think I would still be here if I didn’t think I could handle it?”  He reaches over to brush your hair out of your face. “I love you.  That will NOT change.”

You lean over and give him a kiss, “I love you too.”  

Bucky kisses you more passionately than he had anytime before. “You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those beautiful lips say those words.”  

Bucky’s hands eventually found their way under your top and smiled pressing his lips to yours once again.  “We need to make up for lost time”

You hummed in agreement, reaching down to grab the end of his shirt.  He gives you another kiss and pulls away slightly before kissing you again.   “I am going to turn off the light.” 

You stopped him with a hand around his metal wrist.  Giving him a shy smile you tell him, “Leave it on.”

He pulled his shirt off giving you an amazing smile, before looking at you for approval before removing your shirt.  Kissing your stomach and making his way up your body, to your lips once again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  You sigh finally letting your body be loved by Bucky. 

* * *

Hours later Steve’s phone dinged with the sound of a new text message. 

_Everything is fine.  I got my girl.  She loves me. Have to make up for lost time, see you in a few days.  She loves me.  How did I get so lucky to get a girl like her?_


End file.
